Just a few changes....

You remember how in high school yearbooks, everyone wrote stuff like “You’re great!  Never change!”  “Stay the same!”?  Yeah, we all know that the intentions are good, but frankly, change can be incredibly good.  And change is something I think is impossible to avoid when you do something like Peace Corps.

            Let’s face it: travel is one of the most educating experiences people can have.  Exposing yourself to other cultures, languages, history, ideas, people…how can you not learn from that?  And how can you not change when you learn?

There are many ways that I think I’ve changed.  Some of them aren’t a surprise (like being tactful with refusing marriage proposals).  But there are other things that I never expected.  Allow me to list some of the ways that I’ve changed since joining Peace Corps.

• I’ve become a much angrier person.  I know that oftentimes, it’s based on the situations I find myself in.  It’s difficult for me to not get pissed off when I’m tired, missed my bus, tripped, had a man creepily give me the wiggly finger (a non-verbal sign men want to have sex with you), and the shop doesn’t have the phone voucher I need to buy.  Are those things a big deal?  No, not really.  But there are so many low-tolerance days here in which little situations become difficult and I’m just angry.  Back in the U.S., there was a guy I worked with one summer who would get ridiculously annoyed with me because I was seemingly always happy.  He went out of his way to try and be a day ruin-er.  If only he could see me now…I’m not proud of it, but one day I was so pissed of…I actually flipped off a 5-year-old.  That was one of my lowest moments in country.  I’m sure you’re all flabbergasted that I would do something so horrible, but I think most PCVs have those moments where they flip out at some point during their service.  My moment just happened to be at a 5-year-old girl.  Fortunately, I don’t think she understood what it meant, as she just looked at me, puzzled.
• I’m now much better at silly small talk.  A large part of Tanzanian culture is extensive greetings.  Like…really extensive.  It’s really important, and can help you create and maintain good relationships with people.  As a result, I can greet you (in Kiswahili, Kisambaa and only 1 greeting in Kipare) about how you woke up, your family, home, how it is “over there,” if you’re whole or not, your general state of being…there are some people that I think I’ve only greeted and talked about very superficial topics with.  But man, oh man, can I talk about those things.  When in doubt, I’m great at saying something that makes people giggle, and being the adorable foreigner who’s making awkward mistakes.
• When I first got to Tanzania, I was kinda paranoid and would panic when men would be aggressive or would push about how they should date or marry me.  Now that I’ve been here for almost two years, I can graciously beat around that topic by saying: 1) that I already have a fiancé who’s back in the U.S. and I’ll marry when I get back; 2) joke that my 2 year old neighbor is my fiancé, which makes them laugh and usually drop the subject; 3) that my father wants 200 cows brought FROM Tanzania TO the U.S.A. for my dowry (I’ve had guys say that this is too much, and then I feel slightly insulted…whatever, dowries are stupid but I know damn well none of them can pay something like that, so I try to make it a joke); 4) explain that no Tanzanian man would want to marry me because, even though I cook and clean for myself at home, when I get married, my husband will do all that for me.  That last one sometimes confuses them and once even sparked a debate.  It was me versus all the teachers (all men) in the staff room.  The gist of the debate was that I was insisting that I will not do that for anyone only because of the fact that I am a woman.  One teacher said it’s an expression of love, and I argued that if my husband loves me, he should cook and clean for me.  None of them responded.  Why?  Because there damn well is NO REASON.  These are the same men who are teaching in civics about women’s rights and gender equality.  They’re teaching it, but definitely not practicing it.  Ugh, gender roles within such a split society can be very wearing on women who have been raised to believe they’re equal.
• I was raised in a household where you acknowledge people and listen to what they have to say.  It’s just polite to not ignore people.  Except now I’m rude by those Iowan standards I was raised with.  I have no problem flat out ignoring people.  When walking through a town or city here in Tanzania, I’m really good at ignoring the vendors who shove their wares in my face, the guides trying to get me to go on a trip, and the men in the bus stand trying to get me to go somewhere (for some reason, it’s almost always Nairobi, Arusha or Dar, but I never want to go to those places…I guess white people just usually go, but it’s still annoying).  I’ll nod along like I understand or am ok with something, but am in reality not comprehending a single thing.  It’ll be hard to get out of those habits when I get back…
• “Rushing to wait.”  This phrase pretty much encompasses what travel and…well…almost everything here is like that.  I’m now so much better at waiting than I ever was before.  I can go on a 4-hour bus ride and not even listen to music or read and be fine.  Scary, huh?
• I don’t look people in the eye as much as I used to.  I don’t like this change.  Part of it is because if I meet people’s eyes, they’ll often interpret that eye contact as a signal that I’d like to talk or buy their wares.  Most of the time, that is not the case.  I realize that there are probably some people who feel I’m being meek and adopting the timid woman role.  That’s not it, but it will take some conscious effort to get out of that habit.  I’ve grown so accustomed to avoiding people’s eyes because almost every single time I look them (man or woman) in the eye, the person jumps to follow me/shout after me/or just overly enthusiastically greet me.  There’s not really anything wrong with this, except that there are some days when I just don’t want to deal with it.  Other days, I happily banter back and forth with the person, but low tolerance days happen often in Peace Corps.
• I definitely gossip more now.  I don’t want to excuse my behavior, but part of the reason is the fact that many of my villagers are gossipy as well.  It’s a combination of small town-ness and general Tanzanian curiosity.  When I first arrived in my village, I would hear information that was circling around the village about myself.  Like when another teacher said, “Madam Amy, I heard you went to the market in the next village yesterday.”  People ask lots of questions, like where I’m going, how my family is, what I’m cooking…they’re very curious.  One time towards the beginning of my time in my village, I was saying hi to a neighbor.  The previous week, another volunteer had come to visit me (a male volunteer, who I lied and said was my fiancé so people wouldn’t be annoying about getting me hitched).  My neighbor and I did the classic back-and-forth greetings before she commented that people in the village were saying I had many men over to my house.  I knew that lots of folks thought that my headmaster and I were sleeping together (DEFINITELY not true, but he’s unmarried, and I’m not married, our houses are right next to each other, and apparently sex is the only explanation for why we would talk.  Tanzanians assume sex whenever men and women are together and it’s not in public).  So having a male visitor + living next to a single man = me sleeping around.  Another occasion, when my headmaster was gone for a meeting, a different village friend asked me who I was sleeping with when he was gone.  I had to emphasize that I always sleep alone.  She was surprised, as I think most people believe I'm incapable of being alone.  It’s annoying, but by now I’m fine with talking/countering those very false ideas.
• I’ve started to actually listen to pop music.  I definitely gave in to the 1990s with N*SYNC and the Backstreet Boys, but in the past 5 years or so, I’ve been pretty dedicated to folk music, different kinds of alternative, acoustic, bluegrass, a wee bit of country (yeah, Dad, those years and years of playing country in order to annoy me…I now play country when I’m homesick to remind me of those car rides).  In general I didn’t listen to pop music.  Then I came to Tanzania.  Bongo Flava is one of the most popular forms of music here, and it’s all pretty much the same.  Granted, I do like some Bongo Flava songs, but besides that, there’s gospel music (which is beautiful, but I can only take so much before I’d rather listen to something else) and some American and British pop.  Rhianna, Shania Twain, and Celine Dion are particularly popular.  GOOD GOD IS CELINE DION POPULAR.  Very burly men will suddenly have their cell phones go off, with “My Heart Will Go On” as the ringtone.  It’s kinda entertaining.  Until you’re on a bus for 8 hours where the only music playing is a combination of 15 songs by Rhianna, Celine Dion, Eminem and Enrique Iglesias.  So the point of that little rant is that those particular artists are very, very common. In the mean time I’ve expanded my pop music collection from other PCVs to include songs that have been around from years but I haven’t had.  I even happily got the Top 40 a week ago and am super happy to have a better idea of some of the popular music right now.  My current favorite playlist includes the following songs, in addition to many others:

o   Waka Waka (the World Cup 2010 song) by Shakira

o   Down in the Valley by The Head and the Heart

o   Timber by Pitbull

o   Don’t Wake Me Up by Chris Brown

o   Hall of Fame by The Script

o   Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars

o   Stubborn Love by The Lumineers

o   Pompeii by Bastille

o   Yeah 3X by Chris Brown

o   Starships by Nicki Minaj

Yeah….all over the place as far as music goes….