Holdin' Hands

In the U.S., I am a HUGE fan of hugs.  Hugs are fantastic on so many levels.  They can turn a bad day around, reassure you, or just be a reconfirmation that people care for you.  There are a great number of people that I would give a hug to everyday, whether they are friends or family, male or female, young or a little more seasoned in life.

            Tanzania is different.  You shake hands with everyone, especially when greeting them.  These hand holds can last for an incredibly long time, sometimes as long as five full minutes while you greet each other extensively, inquire about the person’s health, family, job, home, weather, whether they have any problems, how life is going in general, their chickens….these hand-holding sessions can stretch on for quite a long time!  Five minutes is soooo much longer than you think when your hand is being held with a very limp-fish grip. 

It’s a funny grey area in regards to hand holding after that, however.  Men and women do not hold hands and walk together in public.  You may see it every so often, but it’s definitely not common and slightly taboo.  Your eye is immediately drawn to such an indecent display of affection and scandal!  With that being said, I was walking in Tanga the other day and saw a couple holding hands.  The woman was covered from head to toe, with only her eyes showing.  The two were holding hands through the long fabric.  This was definitely one of the only times I’ve seen members of opposite genders hold hands, plus it was with an obviously conservative Muslim woman.  This kind of thing would never ever be seen in the small villages, and it is only because we were in a fairly large town that we witnessed such obvious testing of gender relations.

Though opposite gender handholding can be an odd gray area that I will never understand, same gender handholding is perfectly acceptable, and is very, very common.  Men who are friends, no matter their age, will hold hands or walk with linked arms.  I myself have found that many women and girls will grab my hand when we are walking.  I have had my hand held more over the last three months than I have in my entire life combined.  And it’s all been with women.  For those who are homophobic, this would be very difficult to handle, but I personally do not mind, and find it sometimes reassuring.  It’s almost as if people are claiming me, or somehow indicating that I belong and am not just another random tourist.  Woot for cultural integration!

With that being said, I should mention that homosexuality is illegal in Tanzania.  Individuals (mostly men, as women aren’t really considered able to be gay.  Yeah, they're not very politically correct here) can go to jail if it is discovered that they are actually having homosexual relationships.  I can’t even tell you how sad it is to know that people cannot be themselves.  Though Tanzania is not as harsh as some other countries in the world toward homosexuals, Peace Corps still warns volunteers that if someone is gay, they need to be cautious about exposing their sexuality.  I don’t know if it was in Tanzania specifically, but I know that there have been volunteers who have been forced to leave their host countries because someone told their village that they were gay.

Though there is such stigma against those who are gay, homosexuality doesn’t even occur to Tanzanians.  If two men sleep in the same bed, people don’t think anything of it.  But if a man and a woman are behind a closed door, it is automatically assumed that they are having sex.  Same gender handholding is totally normal, but if you’ve been married to a member of the opposite sex for 50 years, it’s still not appropriate for you to hold hands.

Given that I am American and have been raised differently, I have to admit that I like the fact that my two loving parents still hold hands in public.  Just sayin’.